Consummating the Marriage

 

 

Advising the Married Couple

 

Prior to leaving the newlywed couple to themselves on their wedding night, it is important to give them advice regarding the Islamic guidelines for marital intimacy, rights and obligations between the spouses, and other issues of importance for them.

 

Kindness to the Bride

 

The husband should be extremely kind to his bride on their first night together, especially if she is a virgin. He should understand that this night marks the beginning of a totally new life for her. This may make her nervous and slow in cooperating with him. So, he shoud not brutally force himself on her. If she does not appear fully ready on the first night, he should work on easing her emotions while waiting for the ultimate union between them one ore more days later - as might be necessary.

 

Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) was very kind and gentle with A'ishah (radi'Allahu anha) on her first night with him. He gave her some milk to drink, allowed her young girlfriends to remain with her for a while, and talked to them jokingly - so as to make her feel at ease.

 

Asma Bint Yazid Bin as-Sakan reported that she adorned A'ishah (radi'Allahu anha) for the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and then invited him in. He drank some of it and then gave it to A'ishah (radi'Allahu anha) who shyly lowered her head. Asma scolded her saying, "Do not reject Allah's Messenger's offer." So she took the cup and drank some, and he told her, "Give your friend." Asma said, "O Allah's Messenger! First take it back and drink from it, then give it to me with your hand." He took it, drank from it, and gave it to Asma who sat down and drank it, making sure her lips were on the spot where the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) drank. Then he pointed to some other women who were with her and said, "Give your friends." They said "We have no desire for it." He said, "Do not combine hunger with lying."

 

Praying Two Rak'ahs Together

 

It is recommended for the newlywed couple to pray two rak'at in jama'ah, with the groom leading the prayer. This would be a great indication that, from their first night, they meet together on an act of obedience to Allah.

 

Abu Sa'id, the mawla (freed slave) of Abu Usayd, reported that while he was still a slave, he got married, and a number for the sahabah (radi'Allahu anhum) attended his walimah, including Ibn Mas'ud, Huthayfah, and Abu Tharr (radi'Allahu anhum). When the iqamah was given for a prayer, Abu Tharr advanced to lead them, but they all told him, "Hold off (because the host has the right to lead)." He said, "Is that so?" They said, "Yes". Thus, Abu Sa'id advanced and led them in the prayer, even though he was an owned slave. After the prayer, they taught him:

 

"When your bride comes to you, pray two rak'at with her, then ask Allah to grant you of her good and protect you from her evil, and then you are free to do what you wish with your bride."

 

Shaqiq reported that a man called Hariz came to Abdullah Bin Mas'ud and said, "I have just married a young virgin, and I fear that she might dislike me." Ibn Mas'ud (radi'Allahu anhu) said:

 

"Indeed, love (between the spouses) is from Allah, and dislike is from Satan who wants to make you dislike what Allah made lawful to you. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak'at behind you. Then say:

 

"Allahumma barik li fi ahli, wa-barik lahum fiyya. Allahum ajma' baynana ma jama'ta bikhayr, wa-farriq baynana itha farraqta il khayr - O Allah, bless my wife for me, and bless me for her. O Allah, let our union be upon what is good, and let out sepatation, when you separate between us, be to what is good."

 

Invoking Allah's Blessing

 

After praying the two rak'at together, it is recommended for the husband to make supplications and invoke Allah's blessings on himself and his bride. Abdullah Bin 'Amr (radi'Allahu anhu) reported that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: "When one of you acquires a wife, a servant, or a riding animal, he should hold her (or it) by the forehead, invoke Allah's blessing, and say:

 

"Bismillah, allahumma barik li fiha. Allahumma inni as'aluka min khayriha wa-khayri ma jabaltaha 'alayhi, wa-authu bika min sharriha wa-sharri ma jabaltaha alayh - With Allah's name. O Allah, bless her for me. O Allah, I ask You to grant me of her / its good, and the good upon which You created her / it; and I ask You to protect me from her / its evil and any evil upon which You created her / it."

 

And if it is a camel (that he acquires), he should hold it by the peak of its hump (and say the same).

 

Islamic Etiquettes of Marital Intimacy

 

There are important guidelines for the spouses to oberve when they intimately approach one another. 

 

Supplication Before Intercourse

 

Even at the peak of his passion, a believer does not forget his Lord. He remembers that intercourse with his wife is a means of fulfilling many noble purposes - not only his lust. ONe of these noble purposes is producing a good progeny. Thus, it is important to supplicate to Allah to keep Satan away from him and his progeny. Ibn 'Abbas (radi'Allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:

 

"When one of you wants to approach his wife, if he says: "Bismillah. Allahumma jannib nash-Shautan, wa jannib ish-Shaytana ma razaqtana - With the Name of Allah. O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep him away from what You grant us."

 

If it is then decreed that they have a child (from that intercourse) Satan will never harm it."

 

The Morning Following the Wedding

 

On the morning following the wedding night, it is recommended for the husband to visit his family members and relatives, greet them, and supplicate for them. Anas (radi'Allahu anhu) reported:

 

"In the morning following Allah's Messenger's (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) wedding with Zaynab, he visited his wives and exchanged with them Salam and supplications. There was his practice on the morning following his wedding."

 

Honeymoon 

 

A common practice is that the newlywed would leave right after their wedding on a "honeymoon" trip. Depending on their finances, that trip could be to a country or area that has attractions for tourism.

 

There is no doubt that the honemood is one of the non-Muslim's practices that many Muslims rush to imitate. It is usually an occassion for adding to one's record of sins: it involves mixing with many non-Muslims, listening to music, going to restaurants where alcohol is served, going to beaches and other attractions where the people are improperly attired, and so on.

 

If the newlywed get a few days off from work on the occasion of their wedding, they should not use them in disobeying Allah. Rather, they can take the chance to go on a Umrah trip or for visiting some family members to preserve the kinship ties and invite them to the good teachings of Islam.

 

(The Quest for Love & Mercy - Regulations for Marriage & Wedding in Islam - Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly)

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