Selecting a Husband

 

Quaities Sought in a Good Husband

 

Din and Good Character - The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) instructed the guardians of women to marry them to men of good din and character. When a man of known righteousness and good character seeks to marry a woman, he should be seriously considered.

Abu Hurayrah, Ibn Umar, and Abu Hatim al-Muzani (radi'Allahu anhum) reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: If a man comes to you seeking marriage, aqnd you are satisfied with his din and character, marry him - lest a fitnah (harm) and great destruction become rampant on the earth.

 

Is wealth important?

 

Unfortunately, when looking for a husband, the woman's family or wali first look at his bank account, instead of his iman, taqwa, and aqidah (creed).

Furthermore, many of today's Muslim women have been affected by un-Islamic ideologies. They do not seek a husband who has taqwa and good character, which would guarantee for them a lasting, loving relationship. Rather, they seek a husband who is affluent, has an prominent position, or holds a higher degree of education - all at the cost of religion, morals, and eventually, happiness.

While we do not call on Muslims to live in poverty, we emphasize that wealth is a minor factor that should never be compared to din and manners. We should trst Allah's promise:

 

"Marry the unmarried among you and the righteous  of your male and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His favors. Allah is Bountiful and Knowing. (Qur'an, An-Nur 24:32)

 

Whereas Allah gives such a generous and true promise to the righteous, there is absolutely no guarantee that he will not, in the blink of an eye, take away the wealth of a man who is non-religious and ungrateful to Him."

 

No Comparison

 

When a woman marries a man with din and good character, she will not lose out in any respect: if he keeps her, he will do so in a good manner; and if he releases her, he will do so in a good manner. Furthermore, a man with din and good character will be a blessing for her and her children, and they will all help each other learn and improve their din.

A woman should avoid a man who does not have these attributes - especially if he is neglient of the prayers, drinks alcohol, commits zina, or commits any of the other major sins. Wealh and social status shoud never be her main criteria in deciding for or against a husband.

 

Sahl Bin Sa'd as-Sa'idi (radi'Allahu anhu) reported that once while the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) was sitting with some of his companions, a man passed by them. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) asked one of the companions, "What do you think of this man?" Some of them said, "This is from among the noble people. By Allah, if he seeks marriage, he will be married; and if he intercedes, his intercession will be granted." The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) did not say anything. Another man then passed by them, and the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) asked, "What do you think of this man?" Some of them said, "This is one of the poor Muslims. It is expected that if he seeks marriage, he will not be married; if he intercedes, his intercession will not be granted, and if he speaks, no one will listen to him." Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) then said: "This man is better than an earth-full of the likes of the other man."

 

(The Quest for Love & Mercy - Regulations for Marriage & Wedding in Islam - Muhammad Mustafa Jibaly)

 

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